The Art of Setting Boundaries – What We Can Learn from Observing Horses By Jacey Tramutt, MA, LPC Boundary is a word that is frequently used in psychology today, but what exactly does it mean?  Horses set physical boundaries with each other all the time.  One horse wants to eat, and asks another to move away from the feeder.  Or, a horse wants a bit more space and can indicate that with the slightest movement of the head or a the biggest movement of a kick.  It all depends on the relationship that exists between the horses, and what’s happening in that moment.  As people, our need for boundaries can be about space as well.  Ever feel like someone is standing too close to you as you take money from the ATM machine?  Or feel like it is difficult to breathe when someone is crowding too close to you in the grocery line? The need for boundaries extends well beyond the physical of course.  We need to be able set clear boundaries to take care of ourselves emotionally.  So often, we go through our day depleted, and this is because we are over-riding ourselves, or ignoring the inherent wisdom we all have inside that is trying to tell us to take care of ourselves.  From horses, we can learn that setting boundaries is no big deal.  Horses do not second-guess themselves.  They feel what they feel and they honor it.  For example, Geranimo, the lead horse at the barn where I practice Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy, is afraid of fly spray.  When he sees it, he walks away- fast!  He doesn’t think, “All the other horses aren’t afraid, I’m the leader of this herd, I should really be able to deal with fly spray…..”  He simply trusts himself, what he feels, (fear) and takes care of himself.  People, on the other hand, get into a lot of mind chatter about how they feel- or how they shouldn’t feel what they feel- which creates confusion and stress.  It is from this mind-dominated place that we try to make decisions- and often end up wondering why we are depressed, anxious, and exhausted. Horses model that there is no one right way to set a boundary- it is going to depend on the dynamics of the situation and the relationship. Sometimes an assertive boundary is necessary- such as when we feel we are being taken advantage of, and other times, a gentle boundary can be set, such as when we remind a child that it is time for bed and escort him back to his room.  Boundaries can be set using humor, physical space, words, body language, energy, or silence.  The art is deciding how the boundary will be set. So what does it mean to set a boundary?  It simply means that we honor our truth. We begin to explore what happens if we stop trying to be who we think we “should” be and start being who we really are.  Through horse herds we see that this authenticity is the foundation for healthy relationship.  For more information on Equine Facilitated Psychotherapy, please visit my website at www.radicalpersonalresponsibility.com, or call me at 720-470-3526.